Saturday, December 10, 2005

That's Messed Up

Does your car have a name? It is very important to chose a name that describes the personality and vibe of the car. my current car does not have a name. Honestly, I am not that fond of it and the idea of naming it implies otherwise. My favorite car was named Susie. She was amazing. Old, classy and fun. I want to be like her when I am older.... and if I become a car when I grow up the chances of that becoming a relality are greater. Here is a story in her honor.

So I have this car, and my car's name is drunk susie. we just call her susie for short. she got the drunk part because susie doesn't know that she is a mommy car, she thinks she is a big monster truck and she can do whatever she wants. I won't go into details, but there have been incidents of driving on curbs, mid-day swerving down the road, occasional off-roading and mudding. not to mention all of the suicidal birds that dive in front of my car just asking to be put out of their misery. now before you begin to wonder if the driver of the car is the one with the drinking habit and not the actual car, I can honestly say it's Susie.

Let me give you a case and point to further illustrate the extent of Susie's lunacy. a few weeks ago I had the amazing opportunity to park Susie in the garage. I assumed Susie would be incredibly thrilled to spend a few days not getting crapped on by birds. But as it turns out, she could've cared less. Because Susie is kind of an older broad she sometimes leaks here and there. At first I thought she was just marking her territory, but the occasional leak was followed by a strange noise from under the hood….. In the garage strategically placed beneath the spot where most cars drip is a small plastic, rectangular container filled with gravel. Susie spent three lovely nights in the garage and I assumed everything was kosher, but it wasn't until later that I discovered what had really been going on. Did Susie leak gracefully into the designated leak catcher? you might ask. Heck no. Susie leaked in an almost perfect circle around it. I'm not kidding. Come over to my house I'll show you. That crazy car managed to leak everywhere but the specified leaking zone and I'm convinced she did it on purpose.

Recently, I was given some sad news about Susie. Because I live in East Siberia and the weather is sometimes evil it hailed a few weeks ago and though Susie took it bravely she got a few dents. As it turns out, my insurance company declared that Susie is totaled. Totaled! I haven't had the heart to break it to her. She's going to be put out to pasture.
I'm really going to miss all of the times we ticked off all of the other drivers around us with our many close calls. (Oh- FYI, reading, eating, putting on make up, etc. while driving is not a good idea. It makes the drivers around you very nervous)

I'll miss how when the little kids on my street where playing outside they would run to their front porch when they saw us coming. You know, just in case Susie felt like hopping the curb.

Good times. I love that crazy, drunken car.

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